But Seriously, Folks: After the Rapture (The Unexpurgated Version)

It is the unexpurgated version. You were warned.

You know, Christians need to pay attention. When you announce “Hey, the End of the World is today! All the Christians are going to float up into the sky to be with Jesus!” and the reaction of the non-Christian world is essentially “GTFO ALREADY!” – it might be time to reconsider your approach.

I had the distinct not-privilege of watching my friend G. play a set at the local coffeehouse which was gradually invaded by some of the rudest people I’ve ever seen at a coffeehouse. They talked so much and so loudly over her set that she actually had to stop and ask them to please hold it down. G. finally finished up her set and the little dewy flower petal girl they had been waiting to see stepped up to the mike, with her pretty hair and her nice little dress and her cheesy overpriced Taylor guitar. She started singing about the man who died for you and me on Calvary, in her squeaky little voice, and they were rapt with attention and quiet as mice.

At that moment, for just that moment, I truly wished that every Christian had been taken off the earth, for good. Especially them. My friend G. is one of the most accomplished singers, songwriters, and instrumentalists that I know, with a beautiful voice and great musical skill, and she did not deserve the disrespect these people gave her. But this is typical of Christians, especially in the Deep South.

Oh, I know, some of you are going to say “Don’t disrespect the Christians,” and some of you might talk about how you work with them at the homeless kitchen or you talk with them at the Interfaith groups at the Unitarian Church, and how we should respect everyone la la la blah blah blah. And that’s fine, where YOU live. With the Christians that YOU know. Who at least will pretend to your face that they want to “dialogue” about your faith.

Down here, in the Deep South, 99% of Christians are crass, rude, bigoted people who are quite willing to consign anyone who is not one of them to Hell. Some of them are more than willing to help you on your way there. I know a few people who have gotten their houses shot up and their pets killed by good Christians. You can go online and do a search and read about kids who got teased and picked on by good Christians until they killed themselves, because they couldn’t stand being taunted about being non-Christian.

So you can count me among the number of people who are disappointed that there wasn’t any Rapture.  That all of these kinds of Christians weren’t spirited away to wherever the God of such shrivel-souled, bourgeois, money-hungry, intolerant, bigoted, homophobic, loudmouthed, obnoxious, thoughtless, cruel, stupid people would take them.

And you know what, I’m not too heartbroken about being excluded from that “heaven,” because for me, having to be with those Christians for eternity would be the purest and most sordid Hell I could imagine.

I am tired of Christians and Christianity. I think the earth has been poisoned and people have been sickened long enough by these fools and their insistence on finding filth in everything and spreading the offal of their poisoned minds on everything they see and hear, calling flowers shit and shit, flowers, glorifying fools like Stephen Baldwin and Kirk Cameron, building anti-Evolutionary theme parks, excluding facts from textbooks, denying scientific fact, and warping American history to make it look like the Founding Fathers were born-again, Fundamentalist Christians (they assuredly were not; born-again, fundamentalist Christians in the Colonies were Tories to a man, who believed in the Divine Right of Kings, and opposed the Revolutionaries from their pulpits).

I am tired of Christians and Christianity, scaring little children with nasty comic books about Hell, turning sex into a sickness and making sickness into their sex, covering the beauty of the earth with concrete and plastic and carbon smoke because they believe the earth is their possession to destroy at will, abusing animals because they allegedly have no souls, laughing at environmentalists because they believe the earth is to be destroyed, so why take care of it? Christians make me sick to my stomach. I wish they had been raptured.

Why, Bible-god, why not take them up to yourself, and all of you, the filthy Christians and their filthy god, go away, go far away, make it as if you had never been. Use your power to disappear into the night of eternity, you and all your followers, and let the rain wash the stench of Christianity from the earth. Let a new race of free men and women arise in a new Aeon, and the years of the Slave-God be remembered only as a kind of sad aberration, a fever that broke, a sickness that we all recovered from, never to be experienced again.



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3 responses to “But Seriously, Folks: After the Rapture (The Unexpurgated Version)

  1. dbananza

    ahahahahaaaaaaaaa right the fuck on!

  2. preach it, brotha!!!!

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