I was reading an article on Jezebel about “Nice Guys of OK Cupid,” which is a blog that tears up the “nice guys” on OK Cupid.
Anyway, I was reading the aggrieved responses from Nice Guys, which were inevitably from “nice guys,” and I was drinking beer and I read a particularly odious one and I lost my shit, so this is what I said.
What you mean to say by “strong romantic feelings” is lust, and what you mean to say when you say “frustration at a long history of unrequited love,” is “blue balls.” And no, I’m not the fictional “hairy legged feminist.” I am a guy who is in recovery from being a Nice Guy, and I didn’t get into recovery by being a dick; I got there because I realized women are human beings with sovereign rights to themselves, and I am not owed anything.
If I am lusting after someone, that is MY problem, not theirs, and if I have blue balls, that again is MY problem, not anyone else’s. I do not have the right to cajole or whine or scream or cry to try to make them deal with my problem.
As part of my recovery, I learned not to lie to myself and say I wanted to be someone’s friend when I actually wanted to fuck them, because that does a disservice to me and the other person as well. If I do that I am a passive-aggressive wretch in denial, and it demeans them because I’m lying to them, which means I have no respect for them. Nobody owes you love, and nobody owes you sex. Thinking that they do is precisely what people talk about when they talk about Male Entitlement.
And, “unrequited love” is bullshit. There’s no such thing. It’s always unrequited lust, never love. Love would accept love and be fulfilled; lust is the only thing that has proved to be unrequited. Don’t lie to yourself, because other people can tell you’re a liar and they’ll avoid you like the plague.
Last but not least, if these sad bastards found something else to do besides mope over the lack of a sex partner, that might help the situation immensely. All these guys are hugely self-centered. The world exists to make them happy and if it doesn’t they get mad, which makes them essentially four years old emotionally.
Go do something good with your life that doesn’t involve YOU YOU YOU. Go to college, volunteer in the kitchen at a damn homeless shelter, go get a lonely dog out of the pound and train him to jump through flaming hoops, join the circus and ride elephants, DO SOMETHING BESIDES SIT THERE ON THE FUCKING COUCH PLAYING NINTENDO AND EATING CHEETOS AND EXPECTING THE WORLD TO COME GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU ARE NICE. Go be a man. Find out what that is.
I swear, this kind of shit pisses me off and I should never drink beer and read these articles and post. I’ll probably be sorry for this tomorrow. Fuck it, it’s done.